Clutter is negotiable, dirt is NOT

Taking a book off the shelf and leaving it on the table, socks thrown haphazardly in the closet, clothes hanging from the stationary bike converted into a coat rack, and pajamas on the bedroom chair. Misplaced cushions, the blanket on the sofa wrinkled in a corner, the kitchen cupboards in which you get lost until you find the pot of lentils or the dining room table that you have to clear of all kinds of objects if you want to eat on it.

Hair in the sink, in the bathtub, the lid of the toilet raised, suspicious yellowish stains also in the toilet, the sink full of plates, glasses and other crockery, leftover food on the sofa. The floor without sweeping, the, unpleasant odors throughout the house… One thing is disorder and another thing is dirt.

It is true that there are people who are more scrupulous about cleaning than others, but in any coexistence (whether it is a shared apartment, living with the family or with your partner ) a minimum of hygiene is necessary. Tidiness is a different matter and is subject to a bigger bargain than cleanliness. Because just like you have the right to be an orderly person, the person who lives with you has the right to be disorderly. And how do we find the middle ground?

Living with messy people

• When you are an orderly person you can suffer a lot living with disorderly people. Where is the limit between imposing your way of doing things and claiming your right to a bit of order and concert? It is difficult, because in the same way that you move more comfortably and safely within an order, other people need chaos and disorganization to feel better.
• As in any coexistence problem, the first tool you should use is communication. Everything may be resolved in a talk where you expose the level of stress that seeing everything thrown all over the house causes you. The bad mood and even the anger that enters you when you get home and you can’t sit down to eat at the table because first you have to remove the books and papers that the other person has left there.
• Or maybe a chat is just the appetizer of an anti-clutter crusade in which you have to gain ground inch by inch. Above all, keep empathy in mind and remember that not all people find it as easy as you do to maintain order. With your empathic mode in its entire splendor, the time has come to claim your right to order in this coexistence.

How to live with messy people (without dying trying)

• After the forced conversation, the disorderly person you live with will have to be clear that you both have the right to be comfortable in your home. The fact that you have different needs to reach that comfort does not prevent an agreement. A good idea is to respect each other’s differences in their own spaces. What do we mean by this?
• We mean that if the bedroom, study or desk of this messy, you don’t have to reproach him for anything. The battle is not waged in their own spaces, but in the common ones. So make a list of everything that bothers you in order (pun intended) of the intensity with which it disturbs your peace of mind.
• So the other person can make an extra effort to maintain order in those places where you suffer the most. Maybe it’s the fridge, maybe the sideboard in the hall or maybe the table in the living room. Set priorities and let the other person go into a routine (and it takes time) to keep that place tidy.
• When you see that the other person’s intentions to maintain order are good, but that it is actually very difficult for them because they are not used to doing it, you can make an extra effort and make the task easier for them. For example, putting small boxes where you can put those things that the other person doesn’t even imagine where their natural place can be.
• In any case, do not burden yourself with all the work of maintaining, because it is the task of everyone who lives in the house. What you may need to do is lower your expectations of what you consider to be a tidy home.